The Ocean Run Dry

Let me bleed.
Let me run.
Let me decide.
Let my ocean run dry.

Let me see you.
Let the day stop.
Let the rush come;
let it stay;
let me feel it.
Let me hide;
hide me.
Let me stay;
let me go;
then let me come back.

Let these words be written,
but make me speak.
Let me say what I can,
but make me say what I mean.

Let me run,
but don’t let me go;
I know you understand.
Let me doubt your love,
then prove me wrong.
Let me trust you;
don’t let me be alone.
Let me let you mean too much to me;
you can let me down,
just don’t let me go.

I’ve wanted you for so long.
Now you’re here
when I thought I would die.
Let me love you;
let my ocean run dry.

19 September 1989
Age 20

Ice River

Bitten
all the pain of bloodshed
standing still alone
Pyre
by the river
trying to push winter away

By the river
she is alone
on the bank of the river

Crying
she read the letter aloud
I’m sorry I left you.
We
could have been so good
if only I loved you.

By the river
she is a loaded gun
frozen
to the bank
of the river

Ice hard as the sun
cold as a diamond
River hard as ice
slow as her heart beats

Eternal
she watches the ice
standing still alone
Pyre
by the river
burning in vain

By the river
she is a loaded gun
she is alone with her gun
frozen to the bank of the river

15 November 1989
Age 20

Calling You Quickly

I hear dull roaring
The quickest way is waterfall
Calling you, calling you
Shall I wonder? Shall I wonder?
I’m calling you, calling you

In this defense I am calling you
Shall I wonder? Is it just the way I am?
Is that roaring still in the distance?
Shall I wonder if it’s the way home?
Calling you, calling you

On the way down…Not all the way down
Did you hear me…Did you even listen?
Calling out to you
Will you come to me
Like the world stopped still?
Calling out to me
Call to me

What took you, were you tricked in the night?
Enticed and stolen from your broad daylight?
Weeds of desperation, and I wonder

I hear the roaring, come quick the waterfall
Shall I wonder? Blank haze of distance
On the way down, not all the way down
Did you hear me, did you even listen?
Calling you, I’m calling you
Shall I wonder, am I calling the right name?

Were you tricked in the night?
Enticed from the right?
Stolen from your broad daylight?
I need your daylight

I have feedless desperation
But I need your desperation
Won’t you feed this desperation
Come on feed this desperation
I need peace in desperation
I need peaceful desperation
Take a piece of desperation
Feed and feed on my desperation
Or stop the world in desperation

30 December 1988
Age 19
[Note: I was apparently inspired by U2's "Bad," but, unlike Bono, had trouble thinking of a word to rhyme with "desperation."]

Stand

Please don’t go to sleep tonight
Unless you’re dreaming of me
I think I’ll die before you wake
Unless you’re dreaming of me
It’s a crying shame that
Love has made me so weak
I’ll be strong if you show me in tears
how much you love me

You told me that I was going places
You told me to believe in myself
It’s a shame that
I believed in you and forgot about me
Show a selfish fool some pity
Show me in tears
It’s a shame that you must always
prove you’re stronger than me
I pity you, you pity me

So many fears
So many tears
Never let me near
I hope you’re happy here

Free from you and free from me
and no one owns anybody else
Dreams are only dreams unless you
use the strength to make them true
It’s a shame that you control me
you’ve got all my love and money
I will never be free from you
I will never see myself again

Fall 1987
Age 18